Before Jesus arrived and his godly Fatherhood chilled out , the Old Testament God was , ironically , kind of a hellraiser . He was not a nice guy wire . He really liked kill people . And he may have actually been harebrained , if his willingness to randomly murder god-fearing worshiper like Moses was any indication . Here are the 12 craziest , most awful thing God did in the Old Testament , back before that wacked - out hippie Jesus softened him up .
1 ) Sending Bears toMurder Children
So a guy named Eliseus was move to Bethel when a bunchof kids popped up and made play of him for being denudate . That had to suck , and youcan’t blame Eliseus for being make water and cursing them to God . But God hadEliseus ’ back , by which I mean he station two bears to maul 42 of these nipper todeath . For making fun of a bald gallant . I have to think Eliseus was looking forsomething along the melody of a spanking , or maybe the poetic justice of havingthe kids go denuded , but nope , God went straight for the bear slaying . But on theplus side , that plenty of 40 + child ’s army corps never made merriment of anybody again . ( 4 tycoon 2:23 - 24 )
2 ) Turning Lot ’s Wifeto Salt
Most folks know about the account of Sodom and Gomorrah , twocities of sin God decided to kill everyone in instead of , you know , make themnot full of sin . But this was a town that , when two Angel Falls were staying atLot ’s place , gathered en masse and asked if they could rape them . I iterate : They want to rape angels . So they kindof had their destruction come . Lot and his family were sent from the citybefore thing went down , and Lot ’s married woman looked back , and God turn her into apillar of saltiness . It ’s generally understood that Lot ’s married woman was await back in awistful sort of path at her angel - raping hometown , but the fact is there’snothing in the Bible to indicate this . Nor was Lot ’s syndicate admonish about lookingback . Maybe Lot ’s wife desire to see Sodom and Gomorrah get what was coming toit . Maybe she was believe wistfully of the things she had to leave behind . Maybe she wonder if she leave the oven on . We ’ll never know , because God turnedher into season for breaking a principle she did n’t recognize existed . ( Genesis 19:26 )
3 ) Hating Ugly People
In what should be good news for intolerant religious conservatives , God really does detest citizenry who aredifferent from the norm . Of course , God is n’t as worried about skin coloring orsexual orientation as he is about whether you ’re horrible or not . Because if you’reugly , you’re able to just go worship some other god , okay ? ( Even though God willpunish you if you do and also they do n’t exist . ) Here ’s the the great unwashed God does notwant coming into his church : People with blemishes , unsighted people , the lame , thosewith matt noses , dwarves , people with scorbutus , mass with uncollectible eyes , people withbad skin , and those that “ hath their stones get out . ” Given that God is technically creditworthy for giving peopleall of these affliction in the first berth , this is an enormous dick move . ( Leviticus 21:17 - 24 )
4 ) Trying to KillMoses
In terms of people who God likes , you’d think Moses would be pretty high up on the inclination , right ? I mean , Godappointed him to lead the Jews out of Egypt , parted the Red Sea for him , andeven pick him to take in the 10 Commandments , right-hand ? Yet this did n’t stop Godfrom try out to belt down Moses when he range into him at “ a lodging shoes . ” There isliterally no account give in the Bible for God ’s determination to murder oneof his primary supporters . The line is “ At a lodging post on the way , the Lord met Moses and was about to kill him . ” The only sensibleexplanation for this is that God was drunk out of his mind and look for abar engagement , and you better go for that ’s correct because the option is thatGod ’s a psychopath . How was God stopped from murdering his # 1 fan ? “ But [ Moses ’ wife ] Zipporah take on a flintknife , cut off her Word ’s prepuce and bear on Moses ’ base with it … So the Lord lethim alone . ” Either the sight of a very unexpected circumcision sober God upquickly , or he did n’t want to touch a dude who just disturb a severed foreskin . Still , it ’s Moses ’ son who ’s the real dupe here . ( Exodus 4:24 - 26 )
5 ) Committing So Much race murder
God has killed so many multitude , you hombre . Okay , I meantechnically , God has killed everyone if you pledge to Judeo - Christianthought , but I ’m not talking about indirect methods , I ’m speak about Godmurdering uncounted people in atrocious ways but because he ’s pissed off . Goddrowning every single soul on the major planet besides Noah and his family ispretty well known , but he also helped the Israelites murder everyone inJericho , Heshbon , Bashan and many more , usually killing women , children andanimals at the same sentence . Hell , God once help oneself some Israelites kill 500,000other Israelites . God ’s softheaded .
6 ) Ordering HisUnderlings to Kill Their Own tyke
God is obviously good at big picture dickishness , but he alsotook the clip to be a hawkshaw on a more personal spirit level . Abraham was another devoutman who God decided to fuck with , obviously because he knew he could . Godordered him to sacrifice his boy to God ( God was a rooter of human sacrifice atthe time ) . We know Abraham loved his son , so he was likely kind of upset withthis , but hey , God ’s God , right ? So Abraham play a trick on his unsuspecting son up amountain onto a sacrificial altar and make to murder him . This storyactually has a happy closing , in that right before Abraham drove a knife intohis son ’s pharynx , God yell “ head ! ” and told him it was only a trial run . Andthen Abraham received some blessings after that for being uncoerced to pop hisown small fry at God ’s caprice . And all it have was the apprehension of being force to killhis own child on behalf of his angry god and , presumptively , a shit - ton ofawkward family dinners for the rest of his life . Abraham got off better thanJephthah , who had to follow through with murdering his girl ( burning heralive , specifically ) to get on God ’s beneficial side before battling theAmmonites . ( Genesis 22:1 - 12 )
7 ) Killing EgyptianBabies
Let ’s be completely up front : The Egyptians and the Jews didnot get along . According to the Bible , the Egyptians enslave the Jews , but theJews had God on their side , if you kind of discount God letting his multitude beenslaved in the first place . Rather getting his worshippers the hell out ofthere , God wanted to show those damn Egyptians what for , expel 10 plaguesthat began with turning the river Nile into gross descent , and ending with theslaughter of the first - born of every single Egyptian homo and fauna . Now , Isuppose it ’s potential that some , or even most of these first - born were adultswho were lousy to the Israelites . But some of them had to be babies who did n’t evenhave the time to persecute the Jews yet . And what the hell did the animals doto the Jews to get caught up in this incubus ? Were there proto - German Nazi cowsrunning around who needed to be punished for their transgressions against thechosen hoi polloi ? And you pull in there were cats in Egypt , correct ? CT who hadfirst - hold ? God kill kittens . ( Numbers16:41 - 49 )
- Killing a swell forNot piddle More infant
So you ’re a dude named Onan and you have a blood brother named Er . God does not care for Er , and pop him . Standard God operating procedure . Thenthings set about weird . Onan ’s papa orders Onan to have sex with Er ’s wife — notmarry , by the way , just have gender with . This is in reality pretty awkward forOnan , sleeping with his sister - in - natural law , and rather than give her any more kids(she had two with Er already ) he pulls out . God is so exasperate that Onan didnot fuck his sister - in - law to completion that he kills him , too . Now , you couldargue that God demands that sex act be used specifically for breeding , but given how much God bonk killing baby and children , I do n’t think his motif here are exceptionally pure . ( Genesis 38:1 - 10 )
9 ) Helping SamsonMurder masses to Pay Off a Bet
More grounds that God is possibly a low - level gangster : Whenhis pal Samson got get hitched with , he was hand 30 friends , and he posed them ( acompletely harebrained ) riddle . Then he made a stake that if they could work it in a workweek , Samson would give them all young clothes , but if they could n’t they would giveSamson 30 pairs of fresh dress . Well , Samson ’s wife wheedled the answer out ofhim and then recount these clotheshorse , at which point an furious Samson had to pay up . Andhere ’s where God come in — literally , into Samson , giving him the power tomurder 30 random people for their clothes . Only a dead on target friend would serve youcommit aggregate murder to steady down a wholly stupefied bet . ( Judges 14:1 - 19 )
10 ) taste to Wrestlea Guy , cheat , and Still lose
And here ’s more evidence that God is a drunk madman : Jacobwas traveling with his two wife , his 11 kids , and all his earthly possessionsand had sent them across a river . At that moment , a guy basically leapt outof the chaparral and started wrestling . It ’s God ! They wrestle all night , and Godcannot vanquish Jacob , so he practice his magic God major power to wrench Jacob ’s hip out ofits socket . But Jacob still wo n’t let him out of a headlock until God blesses him , because Jacob has figured out who this eccentric gentleman’s gentleman is . God blesses him and wandersoff , presumably to go get in a bar engagement somewhere . ( Genesis 32 : 22 - 31 )
11 ) Killing Peoplefor plain About God Killing Them
To be fair , after God disembarrass the Israelites from Egyptianslavery , they were extraordinarily cattish about not now being in a landof milk and love . It got so uncollectible that God was ready to kill all of them and letMoses start the Jews over , although Moses managed to sing him out of it . Butone of their more sensitive complaints was that Moses was lording himself over the restof them , which was plausibly true , see as God had given him the 10Commandments and all that . So Moses marshal the three tribal elderberry bush who had made thecomplaint to a Monday first light faculty meeting , but two of them did n’t occur . Neither Moses nor God wish for that , and God opened up the grounds beneaththeir people ’s tents , killing both tribes ( God also set flack to 250 Israelite princeswho’d made the same charge ) . Having been well admonished that Moses was puttinghimself above the rest of the people with God ’s permission , a act ofsurviving Israelites were kind of squiffy that Moses and God had killed so many of their fellow hoi polloi to rise a point . God responded by killing another14,700 of them with a plague . The complaints cease . ( Numbers 16:1 - 49 )
12 ) Everything He Didto Job
Oh , Job . Other than a shit - net ton of babies , no one had itworse in the Bible than Job , who was a righteous , full - hearted man who believed in God with every fibre in his being — which is when God decides to see howmiserable he can make this dude before he gets confused . promissory note : Thisis a result of a bet between God and Satan . Also note : The bet is God ’s idea . He ’s literally just hanging out with Satan — which is kind of weird when youthink about it — when he starting gas about how awesome Job is . Satanpoints out that Job ’s passably blessed — he ’s robust , he ’s got a heap of child , etc . ,and he believably would n’t be quite so thrilled with God if he did n’t have thatstuff . God pop his Bourbon dynasty , presumably , and tell Satan he can fuck with Joball he wants . Satan does . He kills all of Job ’s children and animals , burns downhis house , destroy his wealth , and then covers him in boils . Job does n’t notcurse God , but he does wish he ’d never been born ( literally ) and begs God tokill him , but no die . This lasts a long time until finally Job wonders why a justGod would be so stinking . This is when God pop up up and fundamentally tells him . ”Shutup , I do n’t have to explain anything to you . ” Job , having finally donesomething wrong , pleads for mercy , and God finally yield him back animalsand nestling — new ones , because the one-time ones are still dead . Because of a bet . That God made with Satan . For bang . ( Job 1 )
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