LOS ANGELES , California ( Agencies ) — Hello Kitty , actress , astrophysicist and acclaimed author of the play I Can Has Pink Cheezburger , has been found utter in her Los Angeles apartment on Tuesday , likely because of an accident with a home appliance and drug overdose . LAPD , however , is not rule out other possibilities :
“ We are not ruling out other theory , ” said LAPD captain Mike Furillo , “ there ’s the microwave oven , the gas oven , the hairdryer , the water boiler , the Samuel Butler and that huge stash of MDMA and Xanax . ” He then proceeded to show the press what appeared to be sightly sting leather gloves in a plastic bag . “ And then we have these . We found them in the living elbow room with the initial O.J. on them . Can you consider it ? Can you see the approach pattern here ? Can you ? Huh ? Huh ? ” while winking repeatedly at the mechanical press waiting alfresco Hello Kitty ’s flat block .
Japanese - born Kitty , 34 , whose real name was Janice Lindeblower , was find bare , her body charred on the kitchen floor next to deadened beau Badtz Badtz Maru , 31 , who had the same injuries , consort to LA County coroner Jim Exposito . Both were pronounced stagnant at the scene . Asked about the possible cause of death , Exposito say that “ the first cue taper out to an electric problem . Apparently the microwave plump into some genial ultra - powerful cycle . Almost fiendish . Yeah . That ’s it . I play they were demon or something . ” According to Engadget editor Ryan Block , this is highly unlikely : “ a non - ionizing 2.45 GHz electromagnetic waves emitter consumer - orientate equipment like this wo n’t wipe out people unless their pit magnetrons have been meddle with , for what the IEEE specifies as military radar definition , that is , 30 to 300GHz waves . These guys involve to read how to do their job . ”
Two cross - sections from Hello Kitty autopsy . One with roasted pineapple . Gross .
Famed Hello Kitty expert and Digg editor Kevin Rosewas sad to hear the news . “ I ’m sad to hear the news , ” Rose said via radio - link from his racing yacht in the Mediterranean , “ my taradiddle with Kitty goes a tenacious way back , even if our relationship went a small cold when she met that penguin . No pun stand for . ”
https://gizmodo.com/area-man-parks-car-on-house-roof-tells-police-gps-mad-340515
In a phone call later today , stuffy ally of Kitty and LOLcats Inc. ’s VP of Marketing Lady Fatouche declared : “ o the tearz . FirsChandlernow Kitty . have on iz we goin to do adept no Kitty ? Dis terribl sad newz . Terribl . ”
https://gizmodo.com/chandler-blinkers-iii-drowns-at-panasonics-waterproof-c-342870
Hello Kitty left no inheritor to her $ 58 billion fortune , compose of several land , intellectual place portfolio , Apple broth and , reportedly , the biggest collection of pink sex toys in the reality . According to nameless source , erotic novel auteur Jason Chen , who had a brief affair with la Kitty during the ’ 90s , may arrogate his rights over her assets . “ Or at least , her sex toys aggregation , ” Mr. Chen said in a note sent from his San Francisco , California , 5,380 - square - foot treble bachelor-at-arms pad . “ And her bra . ” [ Hello Kitty Hell ]
CrimefakemodoHello Kitty
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