How I learned to love the Doctor’s dashing lady-friend, River Song

The central enigma of Doctor Who ’s very first episode was n’t the Doctor himself — it was a 15 - class - former girl . So Steven Moffat was returning the show to its roots when he bring in the mysterious River Song . Here ’s why she ’s awe-inspiring .

Oh , and ( in a River Song voice ) , “ Spoilers … ”

It ’s really hard to recap the first half of a two - part report when you ’ve already look the second one-half . So this retread of tonight ’s episode , “ The Pandorica Opens , ” is mostly devoted to talk over the glamorous and deep Ms. Song . After all , this seems like an opportune sentence to babble about the most symbolical quality of the Moffat era , given the vast part she wreak in the episode . Not to worry , though , there will be some general thoughts about the ep towards the bottom .

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So I have to admit I ’ve had mixed feelings about River Song from the kickoff — I think it ’s the smugness . I have a hard clip with smug mass , and “ enigmatical ” and “ smug ” mixture especially badly in my book . Plus I have waitress in vain for River to exhibit a mysterious secret that did n’t go around around the MD . But I always liked her effervescent sensory faculty of humor and the fact that she was a aphrodisiacal older femme fatale , a type of soul whom you do n’t see on television that often .

In any case , the more I ’ve find out of River Song , the more I ’ve like her , and the more I ’ve gotten over my reservations . ( I think the fact that we avoided the “ Amy is jealous of River ’s association with the Doctor ” trope was a major cistron . Becauseavoiding tropes = plezhur . )

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Here are some reasons I ’ve grown to like River :

She really is sort of a female Captain Jack . She ’s from the future , like Jack . She ’s flirty and impure and takes time travel in her step , and is a moment of a con artist / rascal . She ’s sort of post - innovative and while she ’s not as openly queer as Jack is ( because nothing is as queer in Moffat - estate as in RTD - ville ) you still get the sense that River is up for constitute a hallucinogenic osculation on all variety of multitude . ( Well , I get that sensory faculty , anyway . ) She reminds me of how much sport Jack was before he became immortal and a chief .

She ’s the best thing to come out of Steven Moffat ’s fixation with time - travel shenanigans . Unlike the Doctor - Amy relationship or the Doctor - Mme . de Pompadour relationship , the prison term - travel aspect of the Doctor - River relationship is complicated for both of them . The Doctor is n’t at an immediate vantage with River , the elbow room he is in those other instances . And it ’s a more intriguing teaser , from the interview ’s point of view , and we ’re left sorting through the clue — like , for example , in “ The Pandorica Opens , ” we see River in the Storm - Cage , mean she ’s already killed whoever it is that she killed . But this is before she ( peradventure ) clear a pardon in “ Flesh And Stone . ”

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It ’s fun to watch out her being resourceful and circumvent masses . This is sort of related to the “ She ’s sort of a distaff Captain Jack ” affair , I gauge . But there are two other thing to be said about this . First of all , yay for female tricksters . Especially on goggle box , where they are rare . Second of all , when we first meet River , in “ Silence In The Library , ” she ’s downright hefty liken to the version we ’ve seen this year . In “ Silence , ” she ’s leading an junket and she ’s a professor . In this year ’s stories , which take place earlier , she ’s dashing and ridiculous , jumping out of spaceships without a spacesuit and flim-flam people by putting micro - explosive in their vino .

I do n’t need to lie with all her secrets to know she like about the Doctor . Even if it turns out the Doctor is the humanity she kill — which seems to be where they ’re going with this — her kinship with the Doctor does n’t seem to be equivocal . She handle about him and is willing to expire with him . In fact , the last Son she says as the TARDIS starts to set off — her pop off words , as far as she knows — are “ drab , love . ” ( She does , in fact , snuff it for him in “ Forest of the Dead ” — although she gets the somewhat unsatisfactory cyber - resurrection with the creepy-crawly tike . ) The fact that she cares about the Doctor of the Church , and her touch are not part of what ’s conjecture to be ambiguous or enigmatical , is a major addition . Although I am moderately excited to discover out the truth about River , which we apparently will next year , particularly after the hint Father Octavian throw .

in reality , I ’ve already figured out who River Song really is — she ’s Doris ! Remember Doris ? The Brigadier ’s sweetheart , mentioned in “ Planet Of The Spiders , ” and later his wife in “ Battlefield ” ? What was Doris puzzle up to during the tenner her beau was run around with the Doctor and press Zygons and things ? Now we know . ( Okay , perchance not . )

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So yeah , this was a good episode for River , and you have to love her impersonation of Cleopatra . And the path she convert the fake Roman centurion that the creature who are come to Stonehenge will consider the Romans the same way the Romans look upon the Picts . We ’re all barbarians to them , etc . Good stuff .

As for non - River portions of the instalment , it was all good stuff and nonsense , although it did n’t set me on fire . Just like in the next-to-last episode of any Russell T. Davies season , the plot hammers amount out , and it ’s best not to believe about it . The account of Rory ’s Christ’s Resurrection as an Auton — with all his computer memory inviolate , up until his death and erasure in “ Cold Blood ” — makes about as much sense as the Daleks deciding to produce accurate copies of The Weakest Link and What Not To Wear in the distant future , so it ’s all good , really . The crowd scenery where all of the Doctor of the Church ’s foes ( but only two or three of each ) show up and each waitress for their twist to mouth to him felt dangerously pantomimey . ( Plus , why immobilise him ? Why not just obliterate him ? ) But like I said , it ’s the next-to-last sequence of the season , and such thing are to be gestate .

Actually , if there ’s one thing this sequence convinced me of , it ’s that Moffat is more easy with little , demonstrable scourge than huge ones . The tensest part of the episode come when the Doctor and Amy are dealing with several pieces of a individual wrecked Cyberman , whose head , arm and body are all equally mortal in their own agency . The tensity gets ratcheted up as they dodge the Cyberman ’s arm - good time and avoid the head ’s tentacle , and it feels weirdly more efficacious than an assault by a whole squad of intact Cybermen would have been .

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But of course , the independent focus of the episode , other than the Pandorica itself , is the take of Rory . Who miraculously bring to be still the befuddled everyman , even after he ’s become a fictile Roman . His Arthur Dent - scale of measurement confusion about the whole function , and his consternation that after all he ’s been through , Amy does n’t even commend him , is fairly great stuff . And the scene where the Doctor carry on talk to him , without noticing he ’s back from the dead , is classic stuff desirable of Tom Baker in his prime .

And yeah , this is one of the show ’s better cliffhanger . Amy deadened , Rory face with the revulsion of what he ’s become , the Doctor trapped in the ultimate prison house , River locked in an blow up TARDIS — and the whole existence not just menace with defunctness but actually press out . And that , peeress and Gand , is what they call a cliffhanger .

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