Amber Borzotrafeels relieved to have answers.
On Wednesday night’sThe Challenge: Ride or Diesreunion part two, Borzotra, 35, revealed she has been diagnosed withautism.
She later added: “I wish I would’ve found out a lot sooner because I’ve struggled with my identity for 34 years.”
While her costars assured theseason 36 championshe shouldn’t be ashamed of taking medicine for her mental health, Borzotra was emotional as she said she felt like “it was embarrassing for people to make it seem like it wasn’t working, so it was something deeper.”
After filming wrapped onThe Challengeseason 38, Borzotra sought more information about her health.
“I really needed help,” she said. “It’s been so hard, and I had to figure out why I’m this person and why, my whole life, I’ve felt the way I’ve felt and I am this way. I’m trying to find my own community of people that understand that.”
Chauncey Palmer and Amber Borzotra.Amber Borzotra Instagram
Johnny “Bananas” Devenanziotold Borzotra she has already has a community in herChallengecastmates. “I don’t want you to think that you’re on this stage alone,” the seven-timeChallengewinner, 40, said. “I don’t want you to think that you’re in this world alone. We really do care about you. We really do support you, even though it may not come across like that sometimes.”
Borzotra explained some of the behaviors that led to her diagnosis.
“This is a fairly new journey for me,” she said. “I am still learning a lot about the diagnosis. Basically, I camouflage myself to fit in. So, if I see someone hugging someone, like doing something, I feel I have to mirror that. Like, I stim a lot. I don’t know if you guys know, I rub my hands a lot, I bite my lip or twirl my hair. I don’t know. It’s difficult at my age, finding out later also in life.”
Nany Gonzaleztold Borzotra her “diagnosis does not define you. We’ve loved you before this and we’ll continue to love you after this.”
RELATED VIDEO: Kelz Dyke Says the Toughest Part About Being Paired with Tori Deal Was Trusting Her
Palmer, 24, appreciated that his girlfriend has a support system in her fellow Challengers. “I’m just glad and happy that she’s able to do it with all you guys and so you guys could … see her for her,” he said.
Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
Borzotra said she wants to be a “good influence to other neurodivergent people.”
“It feels good to, I don’t know, be myself,” she concluded. “And I just want you guys to know: this is me.”
source: people.com
